Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Need some help with blogging ideas
I was hoping that I could get you readers to help me with some great blogging ideas. If you can think of anything that I could help give you some great coaching around please email me with your ideas to dave854@comcast.net and I will see what I can do. Could be any issue you wish to tackle specific to you and nothing is off limits. Maybe I could give a fresh perspective that you have been looking for or create an awareness around your life that will help you with change. Looking forward to hearing from you. A new year is upon us so why not let me help you make it a better one!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Don't let the fear of failure hold you back
In my day-to-day conversations with my clients I frequently run across an ugly word that goes by the name of failure. It has the ability to paralyze people in their tracks. Either failure or fear of failure seems to be a common emotion that keeps us from taking action that can dramatically improve our lives. The unknown factor is whether or not I will be successful. Usually the justification for thinking this way is that even though we are not happy with where we are now at least we are familiar with it.
I'm not saying that the fear isn't justified. There could be many reasons for it. Maybe there is a history of trying new things that did not work out or maybe this response is a behavior or automatic response that we learned from our family or friends. Whatever the reason, the question we have to ask ourselves is; are we letting our past keep us from creating a better future? In other words is our current thinking getting us what we want?
Melissa is in her mid 30's, and a single parent. She has her Masters degree and marketable skills. However she is stuck working in a job that has no future. She wanted help in figuring out what she could do to change her situation. Melissa felt unfulfilled and wanted so much more. She had dreamed of starting her own business so that was where we started. We focused on the top five things she wanted this new business to provide for her and her family. Her first requirement was flexibility in her work schedule, allowing her to spend more time with her daughter. She also wanted work that she was passionate about; something she would look forward to each day. For Melissa this was the field of adult education. She also wanted to be her own boss and wanted to increase her earning power. Melissa was now clear about what she really wanted.
With this new found clarity, we evaluated her current skill set. Next she identified potential clients. This foundation made it easy to design and implement an action plan to make Melissa's dream become her reality. Once Melissa became clear about what she wanted, things immediately started happening for her. She made contacts that would help launch her new business. She started making appointments with potential clients. She even figured out how to do this on weekends, an approach that would allow her to get the business up and running before she quit her current job. Within the first month she had her first client. Everything was falling into place.
Then it happened. Melissa started making excuses about why she couldn't work on her business plan. This was followed by excuses for missing her coaching sessions. She assured me everything was OK. After two weeks of this behavior she told me what was really going on. She had an overwhelming fear of failure and it had stopped her cold.
Melissa needed to identify the source of her fear. Where did it come from and why did she always go to this place? After self-reflecting on her past experiences with risk she discovered that it stemmed from repeated messages she was receiving from her father while growing up. These messages were continually reinforced her entire life. She went on to tell me that his words had stopped her from doing a lot of things in her life, especially when it came to taking risks or following her own desires.
Now equipped with this new found awareness her next challenge was to figure out how to get past it. Melissa had some choices to make. When asked was her current way of thinking getting her the life she desired and deserved? She responded very quickly, absolutely not. If that were the case then what would be the risk in not acting on this opportunity? Melissa began to see that staying in her current job, a job that she disliked immensely would be an even bigger risk. That risk being a missed opportunity that had the potential to change her life in exciting ways. A simple shift in perspective was all she needed to snap out of the funk she was in.
With the help of a Life Coach, Melissa was able to define what her new business would look like and form an action plan to launch it. When confronted by her fear of failure she was able to identify the source of her fear and in the process discover a healthy perspective on risk taking.
Melissa is now back on track and making her dream career a reality.
I'm not saying that the fear isn't justified. There could be many reasons for it. Maybe there is a history of trying new things that did not work out or maybe this response is a behavior or automatic response that we learned from our family or friends. Whatever the reason, the question we have to ask ourselves is; are we letting our past keep us from creating a better future? In other words is our current thinking getting us what we want?
Melissa is in her mid 30's, and a single parent. She has her Masters degree and marketable skills. However she is stuck working in a job that has no future. She wanted help in figuring out what she could do to change her situation. Melissa felt unfulfilled and wanted so much more. She had dreamed of starting her own business so that was where we started. We focused on the top five things she wanted this new business to provide for her and her family. Her first requirement was flexibility in her work schedule, allowing her to spend more time with her daughter. She also wanted work that she was passionate about; something she would look forward to each day. For Melissa this was the field of adult education. She also wanted to be her own boss and wanted to increase her earning power. Melissa was now clear about what she really wanted.
With this new found clarity, we evaluated her current skill set. Next she identified potential clients. This foundation made it easy to design and implement an action plan to make Melissa's dream become her reality. Once Melissa became clear about what she wanted, things immediately started happening for her. She made contacts that would help launch her new business. She started making appointments with potential clients. She even figured out how to do this on weekends, an approach that would allow her to get the business up and running before she quit her current job. Within the first month she had her first client. Everything was falling into place.
Then it happened. Melissa started making excuses about why she couldn't work on her business plan. This was followed by excuses for missing her coaching sessions. She assured me everything was OK. After two weeks of this behavior she told me what was really going on. She had an overwhelming fear of failure and it had stopped her cold.
Melissa needed to identify the source of her fear. Where did it come from and why did she always go to this place? After self-reflecting on her past experiences with risk she discovered that it stemmed from repeated messages she was receiving from her father while growing up. These messages were continually reinforced her entire life. She went on to tell me that his words had stopped her from doing a lot of things in her life, especially when it came to taking risks or following her own desires.
Now equipped with this new found awareness her next challenge was to figure out how to get past it. Melissa had some choices to make. When asked was her current way of thinking getting her the life she desired and deserved? She responded very quickly, absolutely not. If that were the case then what would be the risk in not acting on this opportunity? Melissa began to see that staying in her current job, a job that she disliked immensely would be an even bigger risk. That risk being a missed opportunity that had the potential to change her life in exciting ways. A simple shift in perspective was all she needed to snap out of the funk she was in.
With the help of a Life Coach, Melissa was able to define what her new business would look like and form an action plan to launch it. When confronted by her fear of failure she was able to identify the source of her fear and in the process discover a healthy perspective on risk taking.
Melissa is now back on track and making her dream career a reality.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Why didn't I get the job?
This is a story about Sarah, a middle manager for a Fortune 500 company. She worked for this firm for 30 years in various capacities. Recently Sarah was passed up for a significant promotion in her department. She believed this promotion belonged to her.
In my role as a Life Coach, I had the opportunity to work with Sarah to explore this situation further. When we began our conversations she was quite bitter and blamed everyone from her boss, to company politics, even the color of her skin for being the reasons why she was passed over for this promotion. She was blaming everyone she could think of for her failure. We started our journey together by looking closely at what part she played in this scenario.
The big question here was what did Sarah really have control over in the work place? I remember the awkward silence following the question and then her reply. I guess the only person I really have control over is myself. This was a big moment for Sarah as she was beginning to build awareness around her work life.
I asked her to tell me a little bit about her job and what a typical week was like and these are a few of the things she shared with me. Sarah is suppose to be working four ten hour shifts and taking Friday off but that never happens as she can always be found at work on Friday and works a minimum of 65 hours a week of which she is only paid for 40. Delegation was a problem for her and most times she just did the work herself because she has a hard time letting go of projects. Saying no to anyone was also an issue for Sarah as people dumped their projects on her constantly because they knew she would do them without question. Sarah was an enabler. This also carried over to her personal life as well. Her family and husband barely knew her, as she was never home. When she was home her husband and sons pretty much took advantage of her in a similar fashion. She admitted to me that she had not had a vacation in over 5 years because there was just too much work to do.
When she finished telling me her story the line went quiet and it took a few moments before I heard Sarah admit that she finally understood the dynamics of her situation. She had to hear the words come out of her own mouth before she could experience her ah ha moment. I then asked her to put herself in management's shoes, would she ever promote someone that exhibited these behaviors and the answer was obvious. It all became clear at that point what had really happened to Sarah. She was ultimately responsible for her being passed over for that job.
Once her self-sabotaging behaviors were understood, we put an action plan in place to help change these behaviors. Sarah is armed with a newfound awareness and with that she successfully made real changes in her life.
Here is a snapshot of her life today. Sarah now works a 40-hour workweek. She has learned to delegate better at work and has a much easier time with telling people no. Her home life has improved dramatically as well. Her husband now sees her every night for dinner; she is no longer taken advantage of and just last month they took off to Florida to spend a guilt free week together.
Self-awareness was the key to change for Sarah and working with a good life coach helped facilitate that happening in her life. Oh and by the way Sarah will be ready for the next promotion opportunity when it comes her way.
Author is a Personal Life Coach living in Visalia, CA. To find out more about Dave Koss and his coaching practice please check out his website http://www.designyournewlife.com
In my role as a Life Coach, I had the opportunity to work with Sarah to explore this situation further. When we began our conversations she was quite bitter and blamed everyone from her boss, to company politics, even the color of her skin for being the reasons why she was passed over for this promotion. She was blaming everyone she could think of for her failure. We started our journey together by looking closely at what part she played in this scenario.
The big question here was what did Sarah really have control over in the work place? I remember the awkward silence following the question and then her reply. I guess the only person I really have control over is myself. This was a big moment for Sarah as she was beginning to build awareness around her work life.
I asked her to tell me a little bit about her job and what a typical week was like and these are a few of the things she shared with me. Sarah is suppose to be working four ten hour shifts and taking Friday off but that never happens as she can always be found at work on Friday and works a minimum of 65 hours a week of which she is only paid for 40. Delegation was a problem for her and most times she just did the work herself because she has a hard time letting go of projects. Saying no to anyone was also an issue for Sarah as people dumped their projects on her constantly because they knew she would do them without question. Sarah was an enabler. This also carried over to her personal life as well. Her family and husband barely knew her, as she was never home. When she was home her husband and sons pretty much took advantage of her in a similar fashion. She admitted to me that she had not had a vacation in over 5 years because there was just too much work to do.
When she finished telling me her story the line went quiet and it took a few moments before I heard Sarah admit that she finally understood the dynamics of her situation. She had to hear the words come out of her own mouth before she could experience her ah ha moment. I then asked her to put herself in management's shoes, would she ever promote someone that exhibited these behaviors and the answer was obvious. It all became clear at that point what had really happened to Sarah. She was ultimately responsible for her being passed over for that job.
Once her self-sabotaging behaviors were understood, we put an action plan in place to help change these behaviors. Sarah is armed with a newfound awareness and with that she successfully made real changes in her life.
Here is a snapshot of her life today. Sarah now works a 40-hour workweek. She has learned to delegate better at work and has a much easier time with telling people no. Her home life has improved dramatically as well. Her husband now sees her every night for dinner; she is no longer taken advantage of and just last month they took off to Florida to spend a guilt free week together.
Self-awareness was the key to change for Sarah and working with a good life coach helped facilitate that happening in her life. Oh and by the way Sarah will be ready for the next promotion opportunity when it comes her way.
Author is a Personal Life Coach living in Visalia, CA. To find out more about Dave Koss and his coaching practice please check out his website http://www.designyournewlife.com
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