Don't let the fear of failure hold you back

In my day-to-day conversations with my clients I frequently run across an ugly word that goes by the name of failure. It has the ability to paralyze people in their tracks. Either failure or fear of failure seems to be a common emotion that keeps us from taking action that can dramatically improve our lives. The unknown factor is whether or not I will be successful. Usually the justification for thinking this way is that even though we are not happy with where we are now at least we are familiar with it.

I'm not saying that the fear isn't justified. There could be many reasons for it. Maybe there is a history of trying new things that did not work out or maybe this response is a behavior or automatic response that we learned from our family or friends. Whatever the reason, the question we have to ask ourselves is; are we letting our past keep us from creating a better future? In other words is our current thinking getting us what we want?

Melissa is in her mid 30's, and a single parent. She has her Masters degree and marketable skills. However she is stuck working in a job that has no future. She wanted help in figuring out what she could do to change her situation. Melissa felt unfulfilled and wanted so much more. She had dreamed of starting her own business so that was where we started. We focused on the top five things she wanted this new business to provide for her and her family. Her first requirement was flexibility in her work schedule, allowing her to spend more time with her daughter. She also wanted work that she was passionate about; something she would look forward to each day. For Melissa this was the field of adult education. She also wanted to be her own boss and wanted to increase her earning power. Melissa was now clear about what she really wanted.

With this new found clarity, we evaluated her current skill set. Next she identified potential clients. This foundation made it easy to design and implement an action plan to make Melissa's dream become her reality. Once Melissa became clear about what she wanted, things immediately started happening for her. She made contacts that would help launch her new business. She started making appointments with potential clients. She even figured out how to do this on weekends, an approach that would allow her to get the business up and running before she quit her current job. Within the first month she had her first client. Everything was falling into place.

Then it happened. Melissa started making excuses about why she couldn't work on her business plan. This was followed by excuses for missing her coaching sessions. She assured me everything was OK. After two weeks of this behavior she told me what was really going on. She had an overwhelming fear of failure and it had stopped her cold.

Melissa needed to identify the source of her fear. Where did it come from and why did she always go to this place? After self-reflecting on her past experiences with risk she discovered that it stemmed from repeated messages she was receiving from her father while growing up. These messages were continually reinforced her entire life. She went on to tell me that his words had stopped her from doing a lot of things in her life, especially when it came to taking risks or following her own desires.

Now equipped with this new found awareness her next challenge was to figure out how to get past it. Melissa had some choices to make. When asked was her current way of thinking getting her the life she desired and deserved? She responded very quickly, absolutely not. If that were the case then what would be the risk in not acting on this opportunity? Melissa began to see that staying in her current job, a job that she disliked immensely would be an even bigger risk. That risk being a missed opportunity that had the potential to change her life in exciting ways. A simple shift in perspective was all she needed to snap out of the funk she was in.

With the help of a Life Coach, Melissa was able to define what her new business would look like and form an action plan to launch it. When confronted by her fear of failure she was able to identify the source of her fear and in the process discover a healthy perspective on risk taking.

Melissa is now back on track and making her dream career a reality.